Call Me Shams: Slap-Chop and Sham-Wow, Flatbush Style

Words by Eddie STATS Houghton and Jason “J-Rockaz” Orford, photo via The Smoking Gun

Quite possibly you have seen the Sham-Wow or Slap-Chop promo spots starring motormouth pitchman Vince Schlomi–pictured above after his arrest for battering a hooker in a South Beach hotel room for almost biting his tongue off (in his defense, he does earn a living off his tongue)–which in 2010 replaced Snuggies as the unintentional infomercial comedy of the moment. If you happen to follow a friend of West Indian descent on twitter you may have even seen one of the homemade youTubes “translating” the rapidfire sales patter into rapidfire sales patois. But unless you live in Brooklyn you have probably not realized that this is a phenomenon that cuts across the entire Caribbean basin, encompassing Jamaica, Trinidad, Guyana and Haiti THAT WE KNOW OF. Therefore we decided to rectify an oversight on the part of the internet and collect these mini-masterpieces of transcultural hilarity all in one place for easy comparison and cross-reference. So without further ado let the Pan-Caribbean Slap-Chop olympics begin (but watch out, the Jamaican have a rasclot secret weapon!)

Slap-Chops:

Yankee

Sham-Wows:

“The Original”

Trini

Guyanese