Toppa Top 10: The Best Fake Reggae Songs

Words by Eddie STATS Houghton and Jesse Serwer

Last year, in one of our first ever Toppa Top 10s, we brought you a list of our favorite “fake reggae” tunes. Not “fake reggae” as in Matisyahu or Eminem attempting patois but as in intentionally funny TV-show skits and other gags spoofing reggae music. Excavating through our archives recently, it became clear that this one deserved a rewind, which we’re presenting again here in a slightly altered form, ’cause things like Cedric the Entertainer’s “Peanut Butter, No Jam” have a habit of disappearing from the Internet.

10. Eli Braden on Funny or Die, “Gay Ray the Reggae Gay”

The quote that introduces this clip over at Funny or Die says it all: “I’m simultaneously an offensive homophobic cliche and a culturally-insensitive stereotype.” Gay Ray washes his dreadlocks with Paul Mitchell tea tree lemon sage conditioner and proclaims, “It’s always been mi dream to fuse dancehall skanking with the choreography of Bob Fosse.”

9. Craig “Leftside” Parkes, “I Love Breast”

Not totally fake reggae since Leftside is an authentic dancehall star but his going Weird Al on his bashment colleague Vegas was too good to pass up. Minus points for not actually shooting a video—this could have been top ranked if he did a full on production. But even a camera-phone skit like his for-insiders-only Sharon Burke impression, Leftside’s humor is always dead-on.

8. Cedric the Entertainer on Cedric the Entertainer Presents, “Rasta Tom” 

Toting an extra-large Glad bag full of weed onstage and fulfilling all the usual reggae-singer stereotypes, this one-off character from Cedric’s short-lived Fox sketch comedy show takes an unpredictable turn when he starts singing about his “White Woman Queen.” It only gets worse from there. “If you like sellout music, then come with me, come again.”

7. ?, “IO Digital Cable Reggaeton ad”

Not strictly speaking comedy—this commercial, which aired constantly in the New York/New Jersey area a few years back, actually seemed to be trying to sell cable to young Latinos. But the surreal reggaeton spoof is arguably the one Jamaican artists will find funniest. Until they remember “Gasolina.” Come on mi gente, let’s get online.

6. Klint the Drunk on Ghanaian TV, “Lagos Reggae”

Kinda hard to follow for the sober non-Nigerians among us but it’s worth watching a few times to get the subleties, and like Eddie Murphy’s Tyrone Green, it’s only funny because Klint does a pretty decent Tosh impression.

5. Jim Carrey on In Living Color, “Imposter”

Credit the Wayans family’s New York upbringing or the time period, but dancehall/Jamaican culture was regularly mined for skits on the classic early ’90s sketch comedy series. So of course when the most unlikely reggae star of the era, Snow, blew up with “Informer,” they would dispatch Jim Carrey (with Tommy Davidson as MC Shan) to savage him.

4. Sani Showbizz, “I Know”

This one wasn’t in our original Toppa Top 10 but only because it didn’t yet exist (at least not on the Internet). But Asani Morris’ (AKA Prince Zimboo) hilarious send-up of early ’80s-era dancehall chatters (specifically Eek-A-Mouse, channeling Barrington Levy’s fashion sense) was so on point we had to add it this time around.

3. Marlon Wayans on In Living Color, “Mr. Ugly Man”

As funny as In Living Color‘s Carrey-as-Snow skit was, this gem (from the classic LP “Rough & Ugly Vol. 1″) is the most memorable and oft-cited dancehall-themed clip from every Jamerican’s favorite—or least favorite—’90s TV show. An egalitarian Marlon Wayans even let T’Keyah Crystal Kemah get some of the choice lines: “Champion lover, don’t come home tonight/Ugly brother, if you do don’t turn on the lights.”

2. Andy Samberg on Saturday Night Live, “Ras Trent”

The Trustafarian is an easy target but Andy Samberg (AKA The only funny guy left on SNL) and his Lonely Island crew finally stepped up and gave these financially-blessed “sufferers” the tribute they deserve. Mi toil part time in Jah Cold Stone Creamery, dub-style!

1. Eddie Murphy on Saturday Night Live, “Kill the White People”

He thought they were going to sing “Day-O.” The original and gold standard of joke reggae songs. We could talk about the levels of genius in this skit all day long but it comes down to two big factors. 1) like most of Eddie’s musical impressions (Little Richard, James Brown, Jesse Jackson singing “Heimytown”) from the salad days, it actually works as music and the more retardedly simple they try to make it sound, the better it is. 2) it’s funny because it’s true.

Honorebel Mention:

Mondo Marijuana on Funny or Die, “Stoned Lyrics” aka “Panty Itch”

While the aim was to restrict this list to professional comedians and not include goofy homemade shit floating around on the internet (a note to aspiring youtube auteurs who are thinking about getting your uncle to wear a mop and do a bad attempt at patois: it’s been done.) But we looked through a LOT of new clips to fill out this top 10 and this misinterpretation of Busy Signal’s “Wine Pon Di Edge” lyrics is the only one that made me bust out laughing, repeatedly. Gal, yuh kipper clean.