Raggamuffin Reasonings: 5 Tips For Raising A Raggamuffin Child

Words by Zebi Williams/Photos by Kwesi Abbensetts

Zebi Williams launched the Lil Raggamuffin Summer Camp eight years ago when she was just 19, and since then the volunteer-run camp has become an exemplar for youth development, promoting arts and entrepreneurship within a small, coffee-farming community in Jamaica’s Blue Mountains, and inspiring similar programs elsewhere. Having worked closely with Zebi the last few years, we wanted to give her a regular voice on LargeUp. Raggamuffin Reasonings is her way to keep LargeUp readers updated on this unique program, and also to inspire similar ideas into action. 

Many people have mixed feelings when they hear our camp uses the name “Raggamuffin” in the title. Growing up as a Rasta child, this word was used as a term of endearment. We flipped the disrespect and gave it an empowering sentiment. Rastas were proud to wear homemade clothes, to lock their hair, to praise a God in their own image, to speak out against capitalist imperialism. To be a Raggamuffin meant you followed your intuition, you created your own path, you knew equality was your birthright and you would not give strength to anything that sought to oppress you.

Now, as a mother raising my own 11-year old Raggamuffin, and serving as the director of a summer camp in the Blue Mountains of Jamaica, I’ve learned some valuable lessons regarding children that I would love to share. I hope you find these tips to be helpful.

Here are five tips for raising a Raggamuffin Child for the New Millenium.

1. BE TRANSPARENT


It’s okay for your child to know that you don’t have it all figured out. That you are still learning and you sometimes make mistakes. Our children look to us as examples for how to deal with life. Help your child to be a person who can be authentic in the world—who doesn’t feel they have to pretend that its “all ok” when it’s not, that they have “all the answers” when they don’t. Ask questions. The magical thing is once you share with your child, you open yourself up to receive their assistance. Your child can actually help you to parent them — they are the ones who know themselves best. When I’m tired and my daughter is bouncing around, I don’t just say “stop doing that and sit down.” I also explain that “I have had a long work day and a quieter room will help me to rest — can you help me with this?”

2. YOUR WEAKNESSES WILL BE THEIR STRENGTH


As parents we can sometimes stress about our shortcomings and parenting decisions. We want to do our best for our children. We don’t want to “mess them up.” We want to right the wrongs our parents made with us. But what type of fantasy world are we living in? The truth is we are going to raise children who possess both strengths and weaknesses, who have “baggage” and sadness around some aspect of their life. The secret is our weaknesses can serve to be our children’s strengths and our strengths may end up being their weaknesses. There’s no way to know for sure. We just need to make sure we create a safe, loving environment for them, and the rest will work its way out. My whole life I have been notoriously late and unconscious about time. When I was solely responsible for getting my little one to school on time, I failed over and over again. I felt horrible. Now, as a result, my daughter is very aware of time and is always early. She will never be late if she has anything to do with it.

3. HONOR YOUR AGREEMENTS VS. OBEYING AUTHORITY


Like many of you, I don’t want to raise a child who is blindly obedient to a society or a situation that oppresses her spirit. I don’t want to raise a child who feels it is wrong to question or speak her mind. I want to raise a child that honors her word and herself, who respects the needs of others, and is effective in the world. As children of the Diaspora, we have trauma in our communities due to generations of systematic oppression. We have been programmed to be obedient as a way to stay alive. How many Caribbean children truly walk this world with the privilege of feeling like this world belongs to them? That those in power only have power because they “the people” have agreed to give it to them?

This summer, my daughter helped teach me a very valuable lesson around how unknowingly we program our children to be obedient to authority. My daughter is a “tween” and like many tweens she has her moments where she can be very sassy to adults — it’s not cute. As her mother, I know this will push people away and I want to nip it in the bud. So I decided we need to sit down and talk about changing her tone. Her response was: “Mom – you say we’re both equals… If we’re both equal why do I have to do what you say?”

Now, I do believe that all humans are equal but as a mom my first reaction was to shut her down and simply tell her who was in charge… but I caught myself. She really was trying to understand why she needed to be obedient to someone else, and not just what her spirit wanted to do. She was right… why does she HAVE to do what I say?
This raised the question for me “How can I have her follow my guidance without it being an issue of obeying authority?” Then it hit me. I told her: “Yes, our spirits are equal” and went on to explain that we had made an agreement for me to be her mother and her to be my daughter. Under this agreement she gave me the responsibility of taking care of her. If she would like that FULL responsibility of taking care of herself, I would give it to her, but, if not, then she needed to honor our agreement and have faith in my guidance.

She agreed!

4. PRODUCE AS MUCH AS YOU CONSUME


Parents of the current generation are in a very interesting place. Technological advancements are occurring so rapidly, tapping into every aspect of our lives. How many of us have children who spend their days with their noses buried into their phones or computers, playing games, watching You Tube videos, chatting on social media. As an analog mother, I am overwhelmed. I want to throw away all technology, but I am also very aware of the future that our children are walking into. A future where some of the most successful new businesses are coming from youth in technology under the age of 21. The workforce is becoming more and more tech-oriented, and a passion for gaming can open up many career opportunities. Just look at the sci-fi movie Enders Game – a technology driven world is our children’s future. The key is they need to not only be mindless consumers of these products but also producers – that’s where the benefits lie. So I have a rule in my house – for every hour of games played or videos watched, there must be an hour spent producing content to share as well. Balance.

5. EMBRACE CHANGE

My life-long friend (and former Lil Raggamuffin Summer Camp yoga teacher) Tyrone Beverly was recently asked to give the keynote speech at a high school graduation. He told the children: “When adults ask you what you want to be when you grow up? Tell them you don’t know what the world is going to look like 10 years from now so you don’t have enough information to answer that question.” The students gave him a roaring applause.

As adults, we need to come to terms with the fact that we must prepare our children for a future that is going to be vastly different than the present world we know. We need to teach our children to embrace change. Those who are able to be flexible and react powerfully to change will be the ones to experience the most success. This means shaking things up every once in a while. Put your child in situations where they have to meet new people, send them to camp, have them explore activities that are outside of their comfort zone, show them through example how to be a life-long learner, travel, discover new foods, change schools.

These are just some of the ways that we can create an environment of change and help our children build flexibility. And please avoid pressuring children with an outdated road map of life that looks like: graduate high school, go to college, get a job, get married and live happily ever after. Encourage your child to look at their life more like a novel with stories and lessons, victories and setbacks, gains and losses. Encourage your child to do amazing things with their one glorious life!